A Current of Reflection

A Current of Reflection

This morning, we shall chart our hearts,
And find the few pearls of memory,
That wage war with our destinies,
And win to our delight

Inside sometimes, little drops of heaviness,
Bring a milky solitude to me
Like cream that tastes of infected phlegm,
There are many ounces of regret in me
Through the rays of endless remembrance,
I cannot know if in this life or beyond
I feel a weary ache that decorates me with loss
A fiery torment that rages like the waves in an ocean of fire,
And me, a simple soul stranded in chains of tears
In surrender, in sorrow, in mindless poesy mourning,
At the glorious delight of humanity’s tragedy

If you look hard enough through my sweetened words,
You can find a broken soul, vulnerable, fragrant, yet broken
It’s all yours to touch, for you to break more—eat into my spirit
The currents of reflection come like a storm,
To tease my tired mind out of idolism to elation
We’ll keep on teasing ourselves into this wondrous game,
Of love, rejection, denial, and laughter in autumn forests
We will forever drink from the chalices of friendship,
Finding connection in mutually adored vulgarity
Seeking touch in the palms of our poisonous counterparts
Craving their tenderness when we know that all comes to naught
We will still sell our hearts to our women,
And love them in winter and nourish their wombs,
With more than our seed, more than our hopeless romanticism

We will shake ourselves from our anxiety,
As the winter reveals its treachery in the summers of sunshine
I pray for that hour of redemption,
When our non-existent dreams are exiled into the abyss of awakening
When we look into the eyes of our children,
And see the tricking secrets of our older selves
Tonight perhaps, I will come to see that our children,
Are our older selves
And life moves backwards, not forwards,
Returning to an age of accepted imperfection,
Where we let our fingernails grow into the soil,
Leaving our cheeks to tan themselves into a dark peach,
Allowing our hair to smell of all undesirable fragrances
A world without mirrors, an innocent world

There lies, a whole world of madness and brilliance,
Behind the multi-colored irises of you and I
A secret world, a drunken world,
With fairies and alien whores, with magic
And if we transcend our addictions to touch,
That world attracts to itself the mantle of reality

As I lose myself to perpetual abstraction,
I will put up my hands to bring you along
The absolute place does not exist,
The promised land is here
I am your milk, and you my honey,
And our blood the water of this fragrant soil
I must forget the delightful offerings,
Of this selfish society
I must reject, your ambitious plans,
I am a child of the Earth, a prophet of blasphemy
And here I am, offering myself to you,
To crucify me,
With the nails of your limited understanding,
To the cross of your own demise

There is no word that can awaken the world,
There are a few sounds, a few visions,
But these are too few in this age.
So forget awakening, come smile with me,
And we shall go dancing into unknown galaxies,
And make love to the stars,
And birth more dreams and more eternities,
More words and more numbers,
More wine and more divine,
To feed the curiosity of our future selves.

Tea today, no wine.

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Here Comes the Music

Here Comes the Music

Time feels like a soft fabric, sewed with great care,
Molded into fundamental existence
I watch it slip through my wicked perceptions through day and night,
Through my many calculations and intonations
Through my fiery kisses thrown at the grains of reality,
That find their way through holes in society
Much wine, much laughter, ah, the sweet delights,
Of waking life, of open eyes and sober dancing

Can I drop the waking awareness of myself?
Can I drop myself?
Drop my deadly awareness of you, my notions of you,
Her and him, I, you, them, us, all these slipping dreams
How can I come and dance at your doorstep,
Without a mind for a soul to hold onto
The sweet delights of escaping piano sounds color the space,
The space around me to birth something new
I cannot put forth anymore song that is your story,
A story of your past, of our history
No more music that will stink of nostalgia,
And be beaded in fading, faulty, old décor
Ah! How we dance! Look, its ecstasy knocking at your heart,
She’s come seeking fervently for a lover
And you, a busy snake meandering through yesterday’s dreams,
Sell your heart to sorrow instead

Come look with me into the gaps of creation,
Into the friendly darkness of the void
Come find yourself with me, come, I am
Let us go naked into the sunshine of the lord,
Seeking nothing yet being it all
Being the fabric, the very source of this all,
Of this great endless tale of waving light

We are the fathers of tomorrow,
The children of yesterday, beholding old dreams,
Seeking ancient archaic desires in the wilderness of illusions,
The illusions of different lives, several lives
And how we seek, with throbbing blood pumps and shining eyes
With innocent despair and mindless wanting
Ah, the sweet adventure of it all
The pain, the seething pangs of existence,
And its subtle yet glorious delights
How can we not see the whole cosmic joke?
As it unveils its tremendous humor,
Before our waking eyes,
Before our yearning non-existent selves
Before the dust, the fleeting dust that we are
In dust here I see the beatific vision
From dust I am, to dust I am,
And I am

Some symphonies never began, and they never end
Some take the grooviest turns and some persist,
Forever feeding the unspeakable magic of the universe
Look, there’s great music out there kindling our wisdom,
Great sound, great vision, there’s something glorious happening here
But we aren’t seeing it! We’re lost to clear glass and mirroring windows
We’re lost to hazy dreams of meager delights
We don’t really want everything do we?
If we did, we’d have it all
We don’t want enough, we don’t seek enough,
We’re lukewarm soldiers in destiny’s war
We haven’t the slightest idea of what this life really is,
Not the slightest idea of what we ourselves are
Foolish folk given such tremendous gifts,
I don’t see how these many men walk,
Six feet under into their cozy homes,
Without ever having realized the real spark of it all

Ah! Life, it’s too sweet to taste and too delightful to behold,
And yet! We are it sweet beloved,
We are it all
Aren’t it such a magnificent thing?
Ah! This magic, isn’t it wonderful?
Let’s strum our guitars sweet beloved,
Bring out the grandest pianos into the deserts of our society
Humanity needs no saving, it needs good music

I have heard salvation, but never seen it,
I have let it taste my blood in deep sound,
Kiss and lick my heart in silence,
The soul has ears but no eyes,
The truest of things exist with eyes closed
The deepest feelings, the most magical moments,
Close those eyes my love
Feel that invisible breeze reaching your insides,
Salvation is here. It wasn’t anywhere else, ever
And now it comes as wine in crystal glasses,
Before our eyes. To be drunk in splendor,
And enjoyed, as the sun sets,
For a trillionth time

Artwork: Garden of Delights by Toonikun

Monsoon

Monsoon

The whole edifice, is structured to be a pitfall
I see these endless towers of corporate glamour
Stinking of lofty ambition clouded with humorless,
Lifeless memories of deluded human perfection

So many rainbows, built with words,
Cover the true sky of exactitude
Nothing is real about being human,
Your words, your dreams, your lies, your love
Nothing is real
Every little precious thought of yours,
That you shelter and protect,
In your mindless defense,
Using emotion, feeling, foolish romance,
Using dead words of dead men who told us,
The world is a marvelous place
None of that is going to save you
Turn to the bottle if you’ve got a spirit,
For that sort of thing
The rum will save and show you a closer path,
To the sky,
Than church or work or school or college

I will teach lies to the children of the Earth,
I will be the heretic that you’ve missed for this long
I will be the demon that saves this universe,
From God

See you’re too foolish to see what’s beneath the letters,
You’re a man of letters, a man great, intelligent, renowned
But you’re a fool,
And everything you know,
Is the fodder of yesterday’s philosophers

We can know nothing,
Sell your dreams to the street of sorrow
Let them go beg for new minds,
To torment and bring to absolution

I take delight in the rambles of the wind,
I take delight in all things

You cannot see it yet,
That what you expect of your brother,
Is what you’ve always expected of yourself
I’ll tell you no lies, give you no dreams,
Just a cup of coffee and a cigarette
Sit with me and help me write,
The Earth’s final symphony
A symphony that never had a beginning,
That shall have no end

The years have seen so many well-clad fools,
Fucking every delight they see,
Making good men swallow the cum of their dream-shagging
So many people, coming to control,
And you, the sheep that made this world
Take it on your faces,
Blind, lost in your own dreams,
Blinded by the stench of your elders’ worry

You must delight in all things my friend,
Hatred, murder, death,
Glee, ecstasy, wanton materialism
Delight in everything,
For it is both, the blackness of the terrible demon,
And the light of wise men’s eyes,
That make all men, human, all, human

The world you know is a human world
The animal, the plant, the block of ice,
It’s all too human
You cut and you cut the sky into a million pieces,
Call this piece space, that piece star,
This bit planet, and that black hole
Your cutting leads you to abstraction

Give me your soul, I’ll show you the simple.
No love, no charity, none of that other cock
I’ll show you life,
And you’ll be left with nothing but dancing
In goodness, badness, whatever,
You’ll see things for what they are

Don’t let folks shag on your face in the light of your fears
Don’t take the world much too seriously
It’s a wonder game,
Play it well
Let the things you love be made sacred,
Not what your fathers loved
This is your world,
You don’t own it,
But you create it

Forget the stars that make the fireworks at night,
Lose your heart to the music of silence
In the intervals between social noise,
God or whatever that thing is,
Speaks
And if you listen once,
You’ll be gone, forgotten,
I do not know,
The shape things take after that,
After that real thing, the listening miracle

You want to hear a love song don’t you?
There is no such thing as love,
Or at least what you know it to be
I know what you crave for,
Love or pleasure or whatever you call it
There is no way to find it,
The only method to the madness of humanity,
Is to open your eyes,
And stop trying,
And start seeing

I’m no prophet who brings peace to your distraught heart,
Hell, I’m no real man at all
I’m just a whisper in monsoon’s endless weeping,
And I visit you, for no reason at all
Perhaps, maybe to dance,
Or give you a kiss
Come delight in me,
I’ll tell you no lies
I’ll give you no dreams

Rainfall

Rainfall

I acted like tragedy,
Was some bad thing
That would make life,
In the eventual sense,
An absolute tale of absolute nonsense
Wasted, to be forgotten,
A sprint in the wastelands of eternity,
That always ends badly, only badly

I don’t know, if I’m mistaken,
If I’m right
People value happiness so much,
Joy, and peace, and wonder, and magic
The world glorifies goodness,
Like it was the only thing worth living for
How can we forget pain?
We forget so easily,
Sorrow, tragedy, loss, death
How can we forget what these things teach us?
I’ve ended my dance between the edges of life
Between the colorful rainbows that piss happiness upon the world
And the fears and shivers of skulls, that remind us of our truer nature

I always doubted these prophets,
Who promised peace to the world
Like giving candy to babies who were crying,
Entirely unaware of what this playground was about
I have a thing against happiness now,
Against joy
I don’t want any of it anymore,
I don’t want pain either
Sorrow, neglect, hatred,
All of it seems like a lost dream
That I hold onto,
Not because of some high purpose,
But simply because they make me, me.

I am sorrow, I am happiness,
And I seek the two like they are different from me
I have said so many things in the many monsoons of humanity
I have shed tears and hated women,
Hurt parents and fed bullshit to young men,
Who needed security
But life makes weary of all men who give curiosity kisses in the darkness
I am weary, and life leaves me slowly,
Everyday,
Like ash that falls off the tip of a long cigarette

We take who we are for granted,
And live our lives like skeletons in a place we do not belong to
Who are we to belong anywhere?
The me that I thought was me is not there
I don’t see it anywhere
All I know that exists is the frustration of the search
And that frustration must end now

I am sorrow in the darkness of tomorrow’s fake twilight,
Spreading like a virus into the hearts of aging men
I am sorrow, like light in the graveyards of history,
Bringing solace to the dead,
Reminding them they never died
Nobody exists, and hence nobody dies

I want this sorrow to end
Symbols and paintings that light up,
The endless halls of this drunken god’s imagination
After losing blood to the psalms of goodness and salvation,
After being scathed and torn by the scrutiny of men like my own self
After losing every last bit of my sensible sociality,
I come to you today
Sweet mother of all mothers,
I come to you,
To die
And see for myself,
If I will be allowed to see
How I never was,
How I never will be,
And hence,
Never can die

In your arms sweet mother of the soil,
To the aching twinkle of your sweet singing,
I will shed this coat of bone and blood,
And see the nothingness of all nothings
The only thing there is, the sweet nothing,
Beyond the dream of this dreaming self
The nothing, in which all things, are.